


fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters.

by Prettything_uglylie



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode Related, Episode: s04e08 Lucky, M/M, Morgan gets horny over Reid's socks...no joke, Morgan loves Reid but fears God, Oblivious Spencer Reid, Pining, Pining Derek Morgan, Religious Guilt, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Weird sexual awakenings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:53:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24448402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prettything_uglylie/pseuds/Prettything_uglylie
Summary: Spencer Reid's pretty face, he thinks, may be all the proof he needs that God exists.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Comments: 15
Kudos: 183





	fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [androgynousmikewheeler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/androgynousmikewheeler/gifts).



> I'm still doing a lot of my rewatch and I like this idea along with Morgan suffering from a great deal of internalized homophobia like a dear friend of mine and I have been discussing. 
> 
> I hope you like this!

They are on the jet, briefing over the case and the mood is rather light despite the horrors of the crime until religion steps into the conversation like every drunken frat boy who has never learned the way a slim neck says 'no' - invasive, unwelcome, the phantom of Carl Buford's large hands on his stomach when he pretends to flex to the girls and Reid. 

But then - then, his Pretty Boy presumes and he is so used to people presuming and he's _tired_ of it so he snaps at Reid when he doesn't mean to. 

"...considering you aren't religious," Reid comments absentmindedly and he had been lulled by the younger man's voice until those final words. There's nothing cocky or bold in the way he has only heard Reid pick his voice up and swing it in such a way only a few amount of times, but it's factual. 

_Like he knows._ Like he is taking these observations to make statistics of all of them or like he is stripping parts of Morgan away until he finds the scared little boy beneath. 

It's the scared little boy who lashes out, "Huh?" 

"Well, I mean - " He seems to clam up a little here, shifting upright slightly and eyes wide. Morgan's eyes and mind follows the way Reid's pretty pink little tongue pokes out to wet his lips, "to believe in one, you sort of have to believe in the other - both heaven and hell." 

It's the knowing tone that gets him, Morgan assumes, Reid sounding almost like a scientist who has taken notes on them and observations in a detached way while all Morgan has left are his feelings - all he has left is this beaten-up heart and a fierce protective passion left behind in by the boy who used to pray every day in hopes for his pain to stop. 

It's the knowing tone that pushes him to say what he does, "No offense, Reid, but you don't know what I believe." 

The younger starts to try to continue the conversation or apologize or use that pretty mouth for something but Hotch cuts him off and like that, the conversation is over. 

Except it isn't. 

Reid's eyes are still sad for the rest of the day and the conversation buries itself in Morgan's thoughts. 

* * *

They're all a little tired heading back to the hotel bleary-eyed and burned out. In the backseat of Morgan's SUV, he thinks he sees Reid beginning to fall asleep in his little curled up ball of limbs. 

He watches Reid fall asleep in his rearview mirror, admiring the way his eyelids slink closed and his breathing begins to even out. 

Reid's beautiful - it's obscene in a way but he has such beautiful and gentle features and a wired frame and a waist that Morgan wants to wrap his arms around desperately. 

"You're staring." Rossi murmurs from his passenger seat in a lavish tone only he can hear and Morgan thinks for the umpteenth time: _he makes me miss Gideon._

He fails to remember Gideon would also call him on it. 

* * *

The next morning comes too early and sees Hotch knocking on his door as he adjusts the starch collar of the shirt and Morgan too tired to function properly. 

After having showered quickly and getting clothes out for the day, the second knock comes. 

He groans as his feet pad over the gentle carpet of the hotel room floor, assuming it is Hotch and his almost bizarre obsession with punctuality but when he opens the door, still in his towel, Reid stands there, looking anxious and - and _cute_. 

Morgan would have been better off if it were Hotch because he does not frequently pop a boner over Hotch and his overly formal suits - not that it's never happened. Reid and his adorable nerdy outfits? Another story entirely. 

Reid's wearing dark skinny jeans, a sweater-vest over his white button-down and his socks are a noticeable cross-hatch of red and grey with his grey converse. Morgan wants to kiss his lips until they're the same shade of red. 

He hates how he can begin to feel himself get hard under his towel, which makes him nervous about how or if Reid can see it. 

The socks, however, make it difficult. It's a beautiful iteration of who Reid is as a person, one a red and grey flannel pattern and the other a red and gold lined sock with a small pendant stitched into the side that he thinks may be a merch thing from something undoubtedly nerdy. He wonders if Garcia would know what it means but Garcia is mad at him too - Derek Morgan has mastered the art of fucking things up. 

"Hey," Reid starts, looking nervous, "I just...kind of wanted to apologize for my assumption that you weren't religious. It was out of line and just wrong of me." 

Morgan thinks about hooking his hands into Reid's white collar and pushing the slim younger boy back onto his bed amongst sprawled and messy sheets, thinks about what Reid would look like with his hair mussed up and looking up at him with wide brown eyes, and thinks about how Jesus has also wrapped himself in white sheets. 

_Jesus couldn't hold a candle to your church frame, dear,_ he thinks as he looks at Reid. _You're my favorite religion._

"It's fine, Reid." He says instead of three little words he would rather say. 

* * *

He tells Rossi he wants to talk to the parents of those killed but horrifically, he leaves him with the priest. 

The conversation is stilted and uncomfortable. 

He doesn't leave any more religious. 

* * *

_He wants to kiss Reid,_ he thinks as he stares at the temple of God. The middle point is linear and shiny in a way equivalent to how he had met Reid - when he was all young, shiny, and smaller than ever. 

He has grown past that though. His energy extended into the world around them and his presence always felt even when not seen. 

Spencer Reid's pretty face, he thinks, may be all the proof he needs that God exists. 

But that doesn't mean the existence is a good thing - that means He can see him. 

* * *

_He wants to kiss Reid._ Instead, he holds Reid's hair up and pets his back as he throws up pieces of Tracey Lambert. 

Nothing ever goes perfectly. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this! Kudos and comments are the best and my favorite thing to see in my inbox!


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